Where do your boundary problems originate? What character traits affect your boundaries? Are you timid or shy? Are you bold or confrontational? These traits do affect how you handle your boundaries.
Here is something to think about...If you are timid you might have a hard time saying no to areas and people in your life. Every "yes" that is not in God's Will takes you further from your God-given purpose. Are you saying "yes" to something in your life that might not be in God's plan?
If you are a bold personality, you might have the opposite problem. You might say "no" immediately and not follow God's leading in a particular direction. Timid or shy you have to guard your answers. Take some time to evaluate where your boundary problems originate? Let me hear your thoughts...
Donna
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Chapter 2: Understanding Boundaries
It is very easy to misunderstand your own boundaries and others boundaries. We tend to be able to pick out the opposite of what we are. However, there are two distinct directions that individuals with boundary issues tend to travel. The path of the "dumped on" or the "dumper."
For instance, it isn't difficult to pick out those individuals that have boundary issues and are unable to set healthy limits. (Unfortunately I am one of those energetic people that wants to be involved in everything and have difficulty saying "no"......I'm working on it) These individuals want to say "yes" because they have a serving personality. However, as you know, too many answers of yes forces the individual to become overstretched and ultimately unproductive.
However, the ones that have a tendancy to not respect other people' s limits also have boundary issues. Those individuals are not usually categorized as having an unhealthy boundary initially, but it is unhealthy for them and others. They tend to see "no" as a challenge. They don't respect people's limits and continue to press forward until they hear the "yes." The primary problem of individuals like this is that they tend to project responsibility for their own lives onto others. They are actually having others carry the load God intends to be their own.
Does any of that sound familiar? God's plan for us is to be able to set healthy boundaries so we can be free to listen to Him and not distracted by "stuff." His plan is also for us to not be outside observers, but to be completely committed to His Will and Direction. Chapter 2 looks at the various types of boundary breakers: Compliants; Avoidants; Controllers; and Nonresponsives. After reading through each category, turn to page 61 in your book and look at the "Summary of Boundary Problems." In which quadrant do you see yourself? In which quadrants would you categorize the people around you? It is crucial to understand where you are and where others are around you to use that awareness to your advantage in making your plan to be "Boundary Healthy." Looking forward to hearing from you...
For instance, it isn't difficult to pick out those individuals that have boundary issues and are unable to set healthy limits. (Unfortunately I am one of those energetic people that wants to be involved in everything and have difficulty saying "no"......I'm working on it) These individuals want to say "yes" because they have a serving personality. However, as you know, too many answers of yes forces the individual to become overstretched and ultimately unproductive.
However, the ones that have a tendancy to not respect other people' s limits also have boundary issues. Those individuals are not usually categorized as having an unhealthy boundary initially, but it is unhealthy for them and others. They tend to see "no" as a challenge. They don't respect people's limits and continue to press forward until they hear the "yes." The primary problem of individuals like this is that they tend to project responsibility for their own lives onto others. They are actually having others carry the load God intends to be their own.
Does any of that sound familiar? God's plan for us is to be able to set healthy boundaries so we can be free to listen to Him and not distracted by "stuff." His plan is also for us to not be outside observers, but to be completely committed to His Will and Direction. Chapter 2 looks at the various types of boundary breakers: Compliants; Avoidants; Controllers; and Nonresponsives. After reading through each category, turn to page 61 in your book and look at the "Summary of Boundary Problems." In which quadrant do you see yourself? In which quadrants would you categorize the people around you? It is crucial to understand where you are and where others are around you to use that awareness to your advantage in making your plan to be "Boundary Healthy." Looking forward to hearing from you...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Chapter 1 Continued...
What we have learned in Chapter 1 is that boundaries is not just about saying no to something or somebody. Boundaries comes from the very nature of God. God defines Himself as a distinct, separate being, and He is responsible for Himself. See for instance what God tells us about Himself in Genesis 12:2; Jeremiah 3:12; Ezekial 6:9; 36:26.
Our boundaries help differentiate us from someone else and shows us where we begin and end. Our feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, values, limits, talents, thoughts, desires and loves-all fall within our own boundaries. In which of the above areas do you feel you do a fairly good job of taking responsibility? What area or areas do you need to take more responsibility for?
Our boundaries help differentiate us from someone else and shows us where we begin and end. Our feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, values, limits, talents, thoughts, desires and loves-all fall within our own boundaries. In which of the above areas do you feel you do a fairly good job of taking responsibility? What area or areas do you need to take more responsibility for?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Chapter 1 Discussion
Chapter 1 takes a look at a day in a boundaryless life. Sherrie is the main character mentioned. She is facing the feelings of dreading the day before it even begins due to juggling all of the responsibilities. She is feeling helpless in many of the situations. Sherrie faces these questions: Can I set limits and still be a loving person? What are legitimate boundaries?
I want to start with those two questions as we explore boundary issues in our lives. Everyone has boundary issues. Some handle their boundaries better than others. No matter what area you struggle with, God has clear answers for how we should view our boundaries.Looking forward to hearing from others.
Donna
I want to start with those two questions as we explore boundary issues in our lives. Everyone has boundary issues. Some handle their boundaries better than others. No matter what area you struggle with, God has clear answers for how we should view our boundaries.Looking forward to hearing from others.
Donna
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Boundaries
Boundaries...what are those? I really did not feel like I had any boundary issues until I began reading this book. I found that in just a short period of time I have gained years of understanding about relationships. How people think...why they do what they do...the ways I have allowed myself to be manipulated without even recognizing it...it's amazing. What are some of your thoughts? I am rebuilding my fence or am I tearing it down? It is hard to say...Do you have boundary issues that have been incognito? I'd like to hear about it...
Donna
Donna
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